LIBA News

15 Executed Following 'Roast' of Kim Jong Un

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

15 Executed Following 'Roast' of Kim Jong Un North Korea isn’t known for its sense of humor, but the all knowing Kim Jong Un developed an interest in comedy stemming from the movie “The Interview”. After studying the artform, the brilliant one called on North Korea’s brightest comedians, all fifteen of them. They would be the stars of North Korea’s first ever roast! Their target? The irreproachable one himself. Comedians were given a full thirty minutes to prepare, while a stage fit for a king was assembled. An announcement was made, and thousands of citizens were removed from their homes,...

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THE WEINER COUSIN CODE

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

The Weiner Cousin Code The term ‘weiner cousin’ refers to any two men who have slept with the same woman. There is no female equivalent or version of the weiner cousin, as any two women who have slept with the same man are simply whores. Weiner cousins are peers, men on a similar level. Judge yourself by this familial bond. Are your cousins decent men, or long lost causes? On average, as such are you. Weiner cousin is an unbreakable bond, similar to an afflicted individual’s relationship with herpes. Weiner cousins are of such esteemed value, their lack of acquisition...

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MAN'S BEST FRIEND

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

“I hate my mother’s dog.” she says. I stare into the phone puzzled, there aren’t many like me.  “You hate dogs? Do you kick them?” I ask. She laughs, and admits it’s only the one in particular. She actually loves dogs.  “I do feel the urge to kick her sometimes though.”  “I’m a dog kicker.” I say. “If a dog even looks at me wrong, I kick it as hard as I can in the face.” there’s silence on the other line. Then a click. Not the first time my disdain for dogs has ended a lifelong friendship. If he...

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THE KAREN VIRUS

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

KAREN Most people’s biggest fear in terms of viral disease is Covid, which is understandable. But I’m personally more concerned with another looming threat, something far more insidious than Covid. I’m talking about the Novel Karen Virus, which became KAREN-19, and is also known as SARS Karen 2. We don’t know much about it, but its affects are terrifying. At first we thought it only infected upper middle class Caucasian women, but there are now confirmed cases of KAREN in Caucasian men as well. Think of KAREN as the white version of sickle cell anemia. I came face to face...

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BIGFOOT ISN'T REAL

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

Bigfoot Isn't Real Bigfoot isn’t real. There, I said it. And I’m sorry to all the believers out there, but I’m here to put an end to this once and for all. I’m all about the plausibility of a random species of anything surviving and inhabiting the Earth without having been discovered. And I badly wanted to believe in the idea of Bigfoot, until I started piecing the mystery together, and discovered the underlying thread of an obvious hoax. Here is the truth. Bigfoot isn’t real, because Bigfoot has no dick. He’s a 9 foot wild animal, not a hairy...

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