Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

Why don’t kids ever get an honest chance to consider Satan for themselves? It’s obvious religious discrimination.
He's not even that bad. Satan doesn’t go around preaching, telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. He's not judgmental, as his love is unconditional. He accepts you for who you are, but he doesn’t get the praise he deserves.
Think about it. Satan is a big, red, dick swinging, rock n’ rolling, alcohol swilling, cigarette smoking, cum blasting, fist fighting, all American hillbilly.
I’m honestly surprised he doesn’t have a bigger following.
From a marketing angle, he could be huge. Throw an American flag on Satan and give him the right push, he’d be bigger than the Rock.
What I’m proposing is that we set up some focus groups of kids, and let them consider Satan for themselves. Let’s see if kids prefer a horned badass in a red Corvette and black leather jacket, or a white robe and mandle wearing Jesus, who carries a walking stick and travels exclusively on foot.
“Jesus? Can’t we at least get an Uber this one time? My feet hurt.”
“No little Timmy. All of our adventures will be on foot, walking in the scorching heat with nothing but our sandals and walking sticks.”
Right as Satan speeds by in the convertible, with two babes in bikinis and Timmy’s best friend Michael in the passenger seat, on their way to Las Vegas for an unforgettable weekend of debauchery and good times. Make your own choice kids, which show do you wanna watch?
I’m not saying kids should, I’m just saying kids should maybe...
Maybe kids should hail Satan