Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on


If you think the New England Patriots are a modern dynasty, then what is the American military? A damn empire. 

If you take into account the scale of the whole operation, it’s truly mind bending. From our intelligence agencies to the Navy to the Marines to the Air Force to the Army, to the special forces, good luck fucking with the USA. And our citizenry is heavily armed. We are a war machine of massively epic proportions. Alexander the Great, even Genghis Khan himself would stand in awe. 

Aliens wouldn’t be dumb enough to try it. Why do you think they haven’t showed up yet? Humans sell ourselves short when we contemplate our chances in a fight against a species from another planet. We’d win, and win handily. They won’t even show up, let alone actually fight us. 

And if they did, it wouldn’t end well. For them. Have you ever messed with a serious colony of fire ants? They’re terrifying. Now imagine those fire ants are all heavily armed and bred for war. Because that’s what aliens would be dealing with if they tried anything near the United States of America. They’re just lucky we haven’t found them yet, or figured out how to traverse the universe at a military level. Because when we do, they’re all fucked. 

I’m sick of the helpless human trope, as it simply doesn’t ring true. We have a lot of experience kicking ass, and we have a zero tolerance policy for taking shit. So the next time your hyper paranoid conspiracy theorist uncle goes on a rant about how the aliens are coming for blood, remind him that the United States military is a modern force bursting at the seams with adaptability. We’re like a prize fighter with endless bloodlust, who meticulously picks apart every detail, relentlessly flushing out every single strength and weakness of our unfortunate opponent. It’s the team anyone with half a brain would wanna play for.

This is all conjecture, but I’d bet it all on the house if goofy looking, UFO riding extraterrestrials showed up with the bad idea of taking us on.