LIBA News

CHILDREN HAILING SATAN

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

Why don’t kids ever get an honest chance to consider Satan for themselves? It’s obvious religious discrimination. He's not even that bad. Satan doesn’t go around preaching, telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. He's not judgmental, as his love is unconditional. He accepts you for who you are, but he doesn’t get the praise he deserves. Think about it. Satan is a big, red, dick swinging, rock n’ rolling, alcohol swilling, cigarette smoking, cum blasting, fist fighting, all American hillbilly. I’m honestly surprised he doesn’t have a bigger following. From a marketing angle, he could be huge. Throw...

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IS GOD A VIRGIN?

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

What if God is a virgin? And his virginity is the reason he’s so down on sex? God has never fucked anything. But he made every living thing, and every living thing fucks each other. And God sees everything we do. Think about that the next time you eat ass. So we’re literally fucking in front of God all the time. Everybody, all the time. Man, woman, animal and bug. Always fucking. And we subject God to so many kinds of sex. Straight sex, gay sex, group sex, anal sex, oral sex, protected sex, unprotected sex, kinky sex, vanilla sex,...

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AN ODE TO (F)ART

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

It’s been said a person expresses the entirety of themselves in every moment, and under no circumstance is this more true than when someone farts. It’s an organic expression more unique than a fingerprint. Most people aren’t entrepreneurs, but everyone has their own brand. There are only three transcendent languages; music, math, and fart. Imagine the following scenario; a tightly packed elevator, and everyone inside speaks a different language. If someone passes gas audibly, everyone will laugh. Age, skin color, gender, race, social standing, none of it matters when faced with a proper blast. Music carries the title of humanity’s...

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CHILDREN OF DIVORCE

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

Are your parents divorced? Good job, you killed the family. That’s the first lie every divorced parent tells their kid. “It wasn’t your fault.” Yes it was. But it’s convenient to lie to kids, because they’re idiots. Babies are even dumber. That’s why 50% of marriages fail. Because 50% of marriages end with children. Newlywed life is bliss; full of passionate sex, freedom, and possibility. Then the pregnancy occurs, and the countdown to the end of the family begins. The child arrives and life is forever changed. Money, a once useful tool exchanged for cheap thrills and good times, becomes...

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NEVER SAY SORRY

Posted by Geronimo Meyerson on

NEVER SORRY I may not be proud of it, but I take responsibility for it. And that’s all I have for you, do what you want with it, because I’d die before I apologize. I will not utter that awful word. I refuse to apologize under literally any circumstance. Because as a child, I was repeatedly forced to apologize when I wasn’t even sorry. So for me it’s about principle. The truth is, I professed a lot of insincere apologies as a young man, and it hardened me to the point of adopting a preference for honesty. You want me...

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